Twenty years ago (a short Catholic biography)

Today is the 20th anniversary of my First Holy Communion! It took place the 21st of May 1989, I was 8 and a half years old and I was wearing the same dress my sister had worn for her Communion in 1979. I was a little girl wearing a beige thick fabric straight-line dress in the middle of 28 little snowhites with their silky fluffy balloon gowns. Not that I really cared. I didn't care more than I cared about the whole First Communion business.

Unfortunately I don't have any picture here to show, but I've found a photo of the typical Nancy doll every Spanish girl gets for her First Communion. Nancy is a kind of cool barbie-like doll but only for this special occasion she compromises and gets off her high heels  to be dressed as a little first communion girl.

Today I was remembering this day and I couldn't avoid thinking about other important dates in my past life as a Catholic, so here is a list of the milestones:

* 14th Sept. 1980 - I am christened against my will. Endless crying. Nobody seems to notice the slight sulphur smell coming from my head after the blessed water is poured, but the priest doubles the number of blessings, just in case.

* 15th Sept. 1984 - My mother abandons me in a place full of nuns and calls it "going to school". Endless crying. I try to kick the nuns in their legs. A month later I don't cry anymore but I still try to kick them from time to time. Strangely they keep telling my mother I'm a lovely girl.

* Some day in 1985 - I'm doing my accounting and I realize someone has taken a few coins from my piggybank. My mother tells me it was for the mass offering, for little Jesus, and that she'll give me the coins back. I throw the biggest tantrum. I'm not giving that child my money.

* Along 1987 - The nuns teach me to sew and knit. Nuns rock!

* 18th Dec. 1987 - I play the role of Mary in the Christmas school play. Saint Joseph wears a fake red beard and I am taller than him, but he's lucky because he is standing and I am on my knees. After an hour of adoration, my eyes fixed on little Jesus' blessing hand, I have the vision of an angel telling me 'Run, run away!'

* 21st May 1989 - First Holy Communion. My sister braids my hair a week before to try her hand and I look gorgeus, but on the day she can't remember how to do it again.  After pulling my hair in all directions I get a simplified version of her masterpiece with a flower hairpin that keeps falling all the time. My sister gives up her career as a hairdresser and decides to become a doctor.
Later that day I try holy host with wine and hate the taste.

* Some day in october 1989 - I refuse to go again to catechism lessons. I say it's a time waster and the cathechists are only amateurs. I am my mother's fourth child and she has fought this battle before, with little success, so she sighs and keeps cooking. I never go back to catechism.

* Many times in the late 80s, early 90s - Confessions at school. I try to make up sins so I have something to tell the priest. I wonder if picking your nose would do. I wonder what the priest thinks of people's sins and how he manages to  stop himself from laughing if the sinner has done something very stupid. It's my turn in the queue and I still don't know what to confess and I don't see the point in doing it.

* Some lazy afternoons in the 90s -  I read the Bible and keep myself entertained. The young atheist grows up.

* In 1992-1993 - Still in the nuns school, I get the highest marks in Religion when I criticize the Church. My open minded teacher says that what the Church needs is critical people like me. But I can't be bothered.

* In 1995 - My mother asks 'are you going to be confirmed?' I say 'whaat??!' with the worst teenager expression. End of the question.

* June 2008 - I start the formal procedure for my apostasy.

* 23rd July 2008 - The Church confirms my status of apostate after my formal renunciation to the Catholic religion. What will  happen to me now, only God knows...

Comments

[Laura]

Thanks Mise!
For anyone interested, this is a link with resources for apostasy in Ireland. It works the same way as in Spain and some Irish people have done it already:

http://www.atheist.ie/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=1968

[Mise]

You sure have a talent for a droll piece of writing! Glad to hear Spain is so just and logical in its treatment of the Church.

[Laura]

In theory you can declare yourself apostate and they have to accept it. In other times you would end up in the stake but now you are safe...
It might happen that the first applications are ignored, or that they start to make things difficult, like asking you to bring a pile of useless documents and certificates -some of them you have to pay for- bla bla bla. This happened in Spain to the first apostates some years ago, so the Privacy Court had to take action. According to the Privacy Act you are entitled to ask any organization in which you are a member to remove you from their list and cancel your personal details from their database. It applies to all organizations, from the gym or the golf club to the Catholic Church. So after a few Court sentences now the Church just accepts it. I guess it works the same in Ireland, but probably people are not aware of it.

[elaine]

laura, that was so funny,

the catholic churches loss is the
worlds gain

I dont' think they have apostasy here
they wouldn't be able to cope with all the applications